Rough Times

This past weekend was not easy for me because I was forced to face my grief. My mother in law and her fiance are moving elsewhere. Normally that is never an issue but I didn’t pay attention as to when it would be happening. This past Saturday after a date night with my husband he let me know that they did a lot of packing which may have included Grandma’s room. We get to the house and he checks her room to find everything is packed and I immediately retreated back to his Yukon.

Heading back home I started to weep uncontrollably feeling like my heart had just been ripped from my chest. My problem was that I didn’t get to say goodbye and I am sure to most that wouldn’t make sense. Some would say, “she died over a year ago..why do you need to say goodbye?” To this I would say that her bedroom is where she was last herself.

I have been told it is not healthy to pretend that she is just in her room sleeping but it is how I have coped with my grief. Okay not really coped but more less ignored it and hide it away in a deep dark place. With that being said I broke down this last Saturday to the point that my husband had to sedate me with a very strong anxiety med. Come Monday my husband was no longer able to watch me falling into my pit of depression. He went over to my mother in laws house and put Grandma’s room back together the best that he could. That evening I was still very upset so I self medicated to make myself happy.

The next day after getting home from work and eating some supper he forced me to get dressed so I could get my closure I desperately needed. Not sure how long I was in her room but I took my time to grieve and pray. Plenty of tears were had and memories sorted through in my mind. Before leaving I had my amazing  husband pray for me to help the pain ease and it did help me to feel better.

I have yet to be back in my mother in laws home but once they get moved I should be fine. It will be hard knowing that Grandma’s room is gone but it will be okay and I will be okay. Some people may find this odd but others who have lost loved ones may understand my sadness.

In any case I really felt that I should share this with all of you because it helps me in my process of coping with my grief. Thank you for listening and if you ever need an ear I am available.

Until next time….