Here is something that happened this evening that I just need to share and hope someone can relate to it in some way. I am terrified of death and I have been my entire life and it is something I am going to be working on with my therapist. I have lost many loved ones to close together time wise and never having parents who talked about it with me doesn’t help. Anyway, my husband works overnights as a nurse, and he was on his way home a few weeks back and got into an accident. He is okay the only injuries he had was his back being sore for a few days.
What I am thankful for is that he wasn’t taking his normal path home because he had to stop by his mom’s house that morning. He normally would have been on the highway at the time it would have happened going 70 mph but instead and empty side road going 35. He ended up falling asleep at the wheel and running off the road and over a street sign.
Now I told you this to tell you about this issue I had this evening. My husband had just left for work for his overnight nursing job and I was outside walking our fur child. I hear sirens within a few minutes of him leaving and I start to panic. I wait what feels like minutes before I decided to call him and when I did my heart sank because the phone rang longer than it ever does when I call him. Oh my gosh the things running through my mind and the images it was showing me was horrendous. I know my rational brain says it only rang 2 extra times, but my irrational brain says the sirens are for him and he is gone.
He picks up the phone and I immediately tell him what is going on and he assures me that he is okay. He is up the street at the gas station picking up something to drink for work. He starts to hear the sirens and I tell him, “see why I called and was worried they were not too far behind you”. I am so thankful that he is a patient man because I at times feel like I am burdening him with my issues. I know he would never say I was burden but that doesn’t mean deep down just to myself I don’t feel like I am. Wow, that was hard to write out and admit to myself. I am so glad I decided to write about it and proud of myself for wanting to share something deeply personal.
Thank you for reading this super long post…I appreciate it and I hope it helps someone somewhere.
Much love,
Sam
The Sam Way 